CSS…Crap Someone Save (me)

Well I’ve had the new website for nearly a week.  I did manage to narrow my theme choices down to three…well 2 but one may be too “masculine” for me.  I’m still looking at my options.  The one theme that I’m using right now I like the look of but do not like the colors. Therefore I am looking to learn & understand CSS so that I may change the colors while keeping the design intact.

Right now I am more than stuck.  Per usual I’ve bitten off more than I can chew….I am always doing that.  Some idea pops into my mind & I grab it and run.  Whether this works out or not I have no idea.  Sometimes I’m optimistic but more often than not I’m certain this is headed straight for disaster.

If you want to check on what the new blog looks like visit http://nil17.com from time to time to see if there is any progress.  I won’t be posting here very often as I still have to figure out how to move this whole thing at some point & I”m pretty sure increasing the size will be a thing I come to regret.

An Official Announcement

Friday was the day…I went ahead & purchased my own domain & hosting package. As of 11 o’clock yesterday morning I became the proud owner of http://nil17.com.  Excitement rushed through me as I made the commitment to see where this blog thing will take me.  Then I left the office to get my hair done.

Last night I struggled, freaked out, got angry, got depressed, felt stupid & still managed to work out enough to make it into a live if completely blank page.  Now all I have to do is choose a theme, customize it, move everything from here to there.

I have managed to narrow down my theme choices so that part is getting closer to finished. (Ooops, completely forgot that I need a title to my blog… “Something Creative” is working okay but I’m noticing that people are searching for different things on Google with “something creative…” in the terms & ending up here.  I’m pretty sure the “something creative for bedroom” searcher was wildly disappointed!)

So far I’m getting some great help, advice & encouragement from a bunch of my Twitterati.  It is much appreciated.  Being the neurotic, self-doubting girl I am not being able to just read the directions & make the whole thing work drives me mad.  I’m hanging on though…for now!

This site will remain up & running indefinitely as I want the new site to be in perfect working order before I show you around the new place.  I’ll keep you up to date as much as I can w/o ruining the surprise of what the new digs will look like.

*This concludes the official announcement.  You may go back to your regularly scheduled lives….I shall go back to freaking out*

A Broken System

The events in this post took place between December 2007 & January 2008.  I’ve written a little update at the end.

December 26th I went to the local clinic complaining of extreme abdominal pain. I was ushered into a doctor’s office where the nurse checked my vitals & I waited for the doctor. The doctor came in & talked to me before doing an exam. He determined that I did not have appendicitis but more probably a problematic gallbladder. I was given an injection for pain & another for nausea. Then the doctor scheduled me for a limited abdominal ultrasound for the 27th.

On the 27th I had my ultrasound & was sent home. The doctor called later that day to say no gallstones had shown up on the ultrasound. I was prescribed hydrocodone for the pain (Vicodone @ 500mg/pill up to 6000mg/day). I was also prescribed hydroxyzine for nausea. The hydroxyzine also has the nifty little side effect of amplifying the effects of the hydrocodone.

The next step was to schedule a nuclear imaging test for Jan 4th. I had to lie on a table for an hour without moving anything so that the tech could photograph my abdoman several hundred times. I also got a fun injection that made my gallbladder contract. This causes intense pain. Think snake bite like when you were in grade school…only to your insides and you have to lie still and not curl into a ball.

On the 9th the doctor called to say that the nuclear imaging test was fine. Still no evidence of anything amiss with my gallbladder. However, I insisted on seeing the doctor on the 10th since the pain hadn’t decreased & I’m really starting to enjoy the pain medication. After talking with the doctor he determined that a CT scan on the 16th was in order. I got 2 big bottles of barium sulfate suspension to drink the morning of the test (think orange juice poured into a glass of milk…now drink & enjoy!).

The 16th I had the CT scan. Pretty painless although the IV wasn’t fun. The tech there told me to expect to wait a week before getting the results. Imagine my surprise & even distress when the doctor called promptly the morning of the 17th. The news….still nothing apparently wrong with me. Still experiencing the same severe abdominal pain so now I get a reference to a surgeon.

January 23rd I make the trip to the hospital to speak with the surgeon. His recommendation….endoscopy followed by a colonoscopy depending on what the endoscopy shows.

Well the story ends there. I was denied the chance at an endoscopy ‘cuz I don’t have health insurance. This whole time every test, every drop of blood, every pee cup has had to be approved by the business office. Now they tell me that unless I can come up with $650 plus by the 30th (the best date for the endoscopy) I’m out of luck. I’m not sick enough for them to make an exception.

I’m too poor to afford health insurance. Even the insurance provided by my job requires so much contribution on my part I wouldn’t have any take home pay. However, I’m too “rich” to qualify for medical assistance. Of course should the worst happen & I die before my current bills are paid the hospital will be glad to harrass my husband with collections attempts while he’s busy mourning the death of his wife.

So here I sit on a Thursday night unsure of what I should do next. The most likely course of action is to continue on the medication until I’m sick enough to get treatment in an ER. Of course that’s what happened to my maternal grandfather when I was in Jr. High. He nearly died until the doctors finally removed his gallbaldder.

Healthcare….neither providing health nor care to millions in the US.

I wrote this note on my Facebook account over a year ago.  Since I wrote this I’ve learned to live with more pain than I thought possible.  I stopped taking the pain meds & anti-anxiety drugs so that I could lead a clear-headed life.  I was missing out on too much to keep taking enough medication to keep the pain at bay & would at this point be very addicted to them.  None of this post is intended to support the idea of socialized healthcare.  Rather it’s a look at the utter dispair I was feeling (and still do) when thinking about how sick I must become before a doctor will treat me.  What I’d really like to see happen is that healthcare professional would take charge of the “care” and provide for people based on need not wealth.  There was a time in this country when the ability to pay wasn’t what determined your treatment but rather the need.  Doctors cared for patients in their homes & took chickens, cows or what the patient could afford in lieu of payment.  Why is it that a trip to see a doctor for less than 15 minutes with no vitals taken, no blood tests etc costs at least $90?  A simple office visit to find out you have eczema & not necrotizing faciitis is ridiculously high.  I want someone to fix what we have not get rid this system for a worse one.

My Day Off

Thursday has been my day off for just over 2 years now.  When I went from 2 1/2 days a week to 4 days a week I had to pick a day off.  Since I wasn’t allowed Monday or Friday I decided that Thursday was the perfect break for me.  I’ve used this day to shop, visit family, sleep in, read, play video games & talk on the phone.  In fact Mom is probably worried about me because I haven’t called her in two days.

Sometimes I’ve used the day to mope, be depressed or just stay in bed all day.  Today however was  a good day off.  I woke up early but decided to doze for a while.  Abe read & surfed the internet for a while then I finally woke up fully to the sound of my TweetDeck going off.  Unable to resist that siren song any longer I wiped the sleep from my eyes, fumbled for my glasses & proceeded to catch up on what I’d missed.  Of course like any other time I got involved in a discussion or two.  Always a good time to be had on Twitter.

Finally got fully up and ready for my day.  As I’m getting ready I got a phone call from the office…they had a computer question for me.  Since it wasn’t anything I could explain over the phone I headed in to see if I could provide the solution (I couldn’t because our office has software from the dinosaur age & it’s missing components…).

Since it was a nice day we headed over to the winery to see what was happening.  We visited for a bit & then grabbed lunch to bring back home.  We love the local bakery!  They always have the best & freshest stuff for soup & sandwiches. As per our usual routine we popped in the newest Netflix (another MacGyver disk) and chowed down.

I did a little more looking at the possibility of moving the blog to my own site.  I’ve got some logistics to figure out but I’m hoping to have everything figured out & start the process this weekend.

After all that interweb stuff I decided I should start working to get back on track with the fitness plan.  (I’ve been horribly lax in working out at all.  Sometimes I think what I really need is someone to really whip me into working out.  I have goals but lack the motivation.) I’m hoping to do a little more sweating tonight & then will work on being consistent again.

All in all it’s been a satisfying day & it’s a blessing to know that I have this day off to recharge before heading back to my soul-sucking job.

Nothing Challenging, Nothing Creative

I don’t like my job.  Wait I think that’s an understatement…right now I hate my job.  It’s sucking my will to live.  Getting up on days where I know I need to go to the office is depressing.  One reason is that it’s not even close to a challenge for me.  Sometimes I honestly think that my dog could be trained to do the job if only it didn’t have to answer the phone.  There is nothing but tedium waiting for me when I walk through the doors at 8 am.  My brain is mostly going to waste…all I do is answer the phone, take payments & type form letters.  Nothing challenging, nothing creative.

Every second I sit in that chair in front I feel suffocated.  Every move I make, every task is exactly the same as the day before.  I feel like an automaton…everything by rote, staring at my screen but seeing only the abyss.  I wonder where life went all screwy that I ended up here.  My job wasn’t supposed to be the administrative assistant to some small insurance agency.  I wanted to be a writer, adventurer, and historian.  Sort of Indiana Jones meets Jane Austen with better clothes.  My job was supposed to take me across the country & around the world….

I need a change….a new direction, a new lease on my work life.  Now if only I didn’t need my job so we could survive…

My Name is…And I’m a Twitter Addict

I joined up with Twitter sometime in 2008.  I don’t remember the date but looking back I should have written it down. Since I joined I’ve encountered not a few interesting people.  It’s been great fun meeting new people & getting to know them.  There’s really no limit to the types of personalities, backgrounds & ideas to be found. There are few times I can be found obsessively checking for updates from Twitter (while I’m sleeping, showering or driving…yeah that’s about it….)

It’s rather crazy but I have some great (and some not so great but completely hilarious) coversations with people I’m following on there.  It’s the best people watching ever.

Of course I don’t get a chance to tweet with everyone I’d like.  Still it’s a glimpse into lives that are different than mine which I enjoy immensely.  I love to live vicariously since I don’t have the means to do everything I’d want to do right now.  It’s a very easy way to “travel” the world & see what’s happening in London, Toyoko or anywhere else you’d like to find a friend.

Another great thing for me has been the opportunity to meet so many fantastic people who are way more into politics than I am.  I’m learning something every day.  Many of them are very active & it’s a challenge to me because I want to be sure that I’m standing up for what I want to see happen.

There is a down side though.  It’s hard to close down the system & do other things when so many interesting conversations are happening all at once.  Walking away is like leaving the best day of your life halfway through…you know something great will happen & you’ll be trying to play catch up later.  Or you get sucked into some bizarre contest of “wits” and time suck your productivity.

I have learned & am continuing to learn from many of these people.  Life has been dragging me down over the last year.  Just when I feel like I can catch my breath something comes along and knocks me back down.  Living where I do so far from family & not having any super close friends has left me feeling very alone.  Abe is always a comfort to me but he needs encouragement too & we both need to get it from outside ourselves.  Happily I’ve found a great many people who encourage me daily in life, my faith & just generally allowed me to be who I am.  While we may not be “friends” in the traditional sense of the word I trust a good many of them to give me aid should I need it & would be more than happy to return the favor should  be called upon to do so.

Of course I make it sound so serious….it’s not always.  Tonight we had a time where a bunch of us were suddenly six years old, calling each other names, tattling & avoiding virtual cooties.  Always nice to be able to forget about real life for a few minutes & fall back on the times of your mis-spent youth.

PS I also get occasional help with my blog.  I definitely get encouragement to write more & practice a craft I’ve been neglecting for far too long.

Rambling (Wo)Man

Life is pretty mundane around here.  Well besides the whole “how will we survive?” question.  Actually I have to avoid thinking about it or my head will explode.  I know that we have some weeks of unemployment left & there are a few side jobs on the horizon so that will help.

I’m feeling really isolated right now.  With such a tight budget there really isn’t a way we can justify random jaunts to Duluth or Brainerd to look around & just get out of the house.  I haven’t felt well all week (thanks to all the Sicky McCoughs that have been out wandering the streets like so many northern winter zombies) so playing outside isn’t really an option.

Our few friends are too far from us for a casual night in playing Trivial Pursuit or some Wii so basically we have each other & our dogs.  Usually this is fine but right now we’re all suffering from some extreme cabin fever.  This winter has seemed especially interminable!  The time when we had nice snow to play in was so cold that freezing to death was a real possiblity. Now that it’s warmer there’s not much snow so the idea of hiking or anything else doesn’t hold much appeal.

What I’m really anxious for is the smell of spring!  The scent of sunshine on grass & dirt.  The feel of warmth on my face as I step out the door & face the heavens.  Sweet, clear rain falling on the roof & washing away the remainder of winter’s cold, indifferent grasp.  Seeing that particular shade of yellow-green springing up along the south side of my house & seeing the smoke rise where the pre-summer burns are going on.  Plotting & planning my plants for the season…oh how I long for the days when the local greenhouse is open & I can wander in there for an hour picking out flowers & plants for my window boxes.  In the summer months the north side of my house becomes an oasis for hummingbirds, songbirds, bees & us.  I have a big feeder for the song birds & several feeders for the hummingbirds.  We plant big boxes of flowers & there are planters hanging from the eves.  Last year we got a spectacular deal on a patio umbrella to go with our patio set.  (This year we are hoping to be able to use it.  The mosquitos were something so fierce last year being out was rather an awful prospect!)  This summer we want to fix up the area where the old pool used to be (so we can put in one of those little inflatable ones…you know 3 feet deep or so & just enough room for 2), set up the patio table & grill.  Then on those hot, humid days of summer we can take a dip while dinner cooks then sit at the patio table as the night settles in with some candles, wine & good food.

My Grandpa was in the Boer War!

Today would have been Grandpa J’s 93rd birthday.  I miss him every day!  So in his honor I’m going to share some of my favorite memories of him.  First I should explain my title.  Francis Earl Jewett was born Feb 11, 1916 in Flandreau, SD.  The Boer War ended in 1902.  However, for some unknown reason, he always used to tell me that he fought in the Boer War.  Like any good grandchild I took him at his word….’til I got to college & learned what the Boer War really was.  (Iwas a little girl from a farm.  Part of me always thought it had something to do with hogs….)

I remember riding in Grandpa’s tractor.  It didn’t matter the season because he had a nice cab with a radio & air conditioning.  When we got tired we could lay down & take a little nap.  It was always exciting to ride with him.  I remember climbing into the cab, the smell of diesel & feeling excited.  The shift had a picture of a rabbit for the highest gear & a turtle for the lowest.

My caffeine habit is completely my Grandpa J’s fault.  I wanted to be like everybody else & have coffee when we came in from working on the farm.  Grandpa solved it by giving me a shot glass with a spoonful of coffee & two of water.  I’d take my chocolate chip cookie, break it in smaller pieces & dunk it my coffee just like Grandpa.  As I got older I got more coffee & less water until I graduated to black coffee.  It was a treat I only shared with him.

Staying at Grandma & Grandpa J’s house was a treat.  I was lucky to live within 30 miles of them until I went to college.  Summers were the best ‘cuz we got to have overnight stays.  Breakfast in the morning & then out to help with chores like the garden, the sheep & lambs & feeding the cattle.  Things that were horrible at home were somehow better.  Of course we probably hindered more than helped.  It wasnt’ until I was in grade school that I came to “realize” I wasn’t supposed to enjoy any of that

One thing that Grandpa spoiled me for was getting flowers.  If there was a flower blooming I got a small bouquet every time I left.  Pansies & lilacs were his particular favorite.  He’d pick a few & wrap a wet paper towel around the stem so they’d stay fresh until I got home & could put them in water in my room.

Something that always made me feel special was that Grandpa had a song he sang only to me.  I’d sit on his knee & he’d sing “My gal Rebecca, she chews tobacca & spits on the kitchen stove.”  Now why he sang that I don’t know. I did love it that he sang to me though.

My final thought for today is a story I only have heard from others.  Grandpa was not a tall man.  He was strong though. Years & years ago there was a filling station that used an eagle as it’s mascot.  They were changing the name or something when Grandpa happened to stop at one.  The guy working had moved a large eagle off to the side.  My grandpa asked if he could have it since they were going to get rid of it. “Sure, if you can lift it into the back of your truck you can have it”, the guy told Grandpa.  So Grandpa wrapped his arms around it, lifted it & slid it into the bed of the truck.  Grandpa finished up his business & went back to the truck to leave.  “Hey fella, you can’t take that with you!”, the guy yells.  “Well, you said if I could lift it into the truck I could have it & I don’t think you’re man enough to take it back”, Grandpa replied.  That eagle, Gertrude, now sits outside my parents’ front door.  We have many good memories & pictures of all the grandkids & many of the great-grandkids on Gertrude.  She is a solid reminder of Grandpa & how much we love him.

25 things….

I have been struggling with the 25 things meme that has been racing around the internet lately.  At first it was that I couldn’t think of 25, then that nothing I could think of was interesting.  However the more I’ve thought about it the more attractive the idea became.  Why?  Not necessarily so that you  my dear readers would know me better but so that I may know myself.  Here are my “25 things”

1. I became a born-again Christian at age 5 after reading a scary Halloween tract behind my dad’s recliner.

2. Reading is my favorite thing in all the world.

3. Photography is something I enjoy.

4. I am the oldest of 8.  My youngest sibling is 13.

5. My husband & I met in a Yahoo! chat room.

6. I can’t really ride a bike.

7. I am terrified of water & high bridges.  My worst fear is being involved in a 35W bridge type collapse.

8. My husband is the most wonderful man…he is so patient & understanding.  I do not always deserve him. My husband is a constant source of strength…he amazes me daily.

9. My mom is my best girl friend.  We talk nearly every day….sometimes more than once.

10. I have a weird obsession with even numbers.

11. I’ve never had any filings.

12. I seem to be outgoing….I’m covering up for the fact I’m afraid people won’t/don’t like me.

13. I am a terrible housekeeper.

14. Someday I’d like to own a horse, a sailboat & a motorcycle.

15. I cry at everything.  Happy, sad, angry = tears

16. Spelling errors & bad grammar truly bother me.  I don’t expect perfection but at least try.

17. I’ve always wanted to be a mom….I pray someday I will be.

18. I have trouble controlling my temper.

19. Laughing is one of my favorite things.

20. My 1st memory is of my mom crying because she dislocated her thumb.  I was 6 months old.

21. I grew up on a farm.

22. I love music..any kind.

23. Dancing is fun.  I used to think I was good…then I  saw my siblings dance….I’m not that good.

24.  I have some strange OCD things that I work very hard to hide most of the time.  Please don’t make me eat M&Ms in front of people.  It’s embarrassing for me & makes others want to lock me up.  If if must eat them please  only give them to me in even numbers.

25. My dream has always been to be a writer.  I love to tell stories I’m just not sure how to start a book.

I’m a finalist

Wow…I had entered a contest a few weeks ago to have a blog bailout.  The excellent folks at DesignPepper.com are having a contest where anybody could explain why they wanted a blog makeover.  I entered.  Tonight I found out that I’m one of the 10 finalists.  Now it’s in your hands.  I need votes.  Go to http://designpepper.com/2009/02/02/10-blog-bailout-finalists-vote-for-your-favorite/#more-491 and click on my name Becci-Something Creative to vote for me.  Feel free to leave a comment here letting me know you voted so I can give you a shout out after voting is done.

Thank you in advance!  I’m super excited about this!