A Broken System

The events in this post took place between December 2007 & January 2008.  I’ve written a little update at the end.

December 26th I went to the local clinic complaining of extreme abdominal pain. I was ushered into a doctor’s office where the nurse checked my vitals & I waited for the doctor. The doctor came in & talked to me before doing an exam. He determined that I did not have appendicitis but more probably a problematic gallbladder. I was given an injection for pain & another for nausea. Then the doctor scheduled me for a limited abdominal ultrasound for the 27th.

On the 27th I had my ultrasound & was sent home. The doctor called later that day to say no gallstones had shown up on the ultrasound. I was prescribed hydrocodone for the pain (Vicodone @ 500mg/pill up to 6000mg/day). I was also prescribed hydroxyzine for nausea. The hydroxyzine also has the nifty little side effect of amplifying the effects of the hydrocodone.

The next step was to schedule a nuclear imaging test for Jan 4th. I had to lie on a table for an hour without moving anything so that the tech could photograph my abdoman several hundred times. I also got a fun injection that made my gallbladder contract. This causes intense pain. Think snake bite like when you were in grade school…only to your insides and you have to lie still and not curl into a ball.

On the 9th the doctor called to say that the nuclear imaging test was fine. Still no evidence of anything amiss with my gallbladder. However, I insisted on seeing the doctor on the 10th since the pain hadn’t decreased & I’m really starting to enjoy the pain medication. After talking with the doctor he determined that a CT scan on the 16th was in order. I got 2 big bottles of barium sulfate suspension to drink the morning of the test (think orange juice poured into a glass of milk…now drink & enjoy!).

The 16th I had the CT scan. Pretty painless although the IV wasn’t fun. The tech there told me to expect to wait a week before getting the results. Imagine my surprise & even distress when the doctor called promptly the morning of the 17th. The news….still nothing apparently wrong with me. Still experiencing the same severe abdominal pain so now I get a reference to a surgeon.

January 23rd I make the trip to the hospital to speak with the surgeon. His recommendation….endoscopy followed by a colonoscopy depending on what the endoscopy shows.

Well the story ends there. I was denied the chance at an endoscopy ‘cuz I don’t have health insurance. This whole time every test, every drop of blood, every pee cup has had to be approved by the business office. Now they tell me that unless I can come up with $650 plus by the 30th (the best date for the endoscopy) I’m out of luck. I’m not sick enough for them to make an exception.

I’m too poor to afford health insurance. Even the insurance provided by my job requires so much contribution on my part I wouldn’t have any take home pay. However, I’m too “rich” to qualify for medical assistance. Of course should the worst happen & I die before my current bills are paid the hospital will be glad to harrass my husband with collections attempts while he’s busy mourning the death of his wife.

So here I sit on a Thursday night unsure of what I should do next. The most likely course of action is to continue on the medication until I’m sick enough to get treatment in an ER. Of course that’s what happened to my maternal grandfather when I was in Jr. High. He nearly died until the doctors finally removed his gallbaldder.

Healthcare….neither providing health nor care to millions in the US.

I wrote this note on my Facebook account over a year ago.  Since I wrote this I’ve learned to live with more pain than I thought possible.  I stopped taking the pain meds & anti-anxiety drugs so that I could lead a clear-headed life.  I was missing out on too much to keep taking enough medication to keep the pain at bay & would at this point be very addicted to them.  None of this post is intended to support the idea of socialized healthcare.  Rather it’s a look at the utter dispair I was feeling (and still do) when thinking about how sick I must become before a doctor will treat me.  What I’d really like to see happen is that healthcare professional would take charge of the “care” and provide for people based on need not wealth.  There was a time in this country when the ability to pay wasn’t what determined your treatment but rather the need.  Doctors cared for patients in their homes & took chickens, cows or what the patient could afford in lieu of payment.  Why is it that a trip to see a doctor for less than 15 minutes with no vitals taken, no blood tests etc costs at least $90?  A simple office visit to find out you have eczema & not necrotizing faciitis is ridiculously high.  I want someone to fix what we have not get rid this system for a worse one.

February Rewind

Since February is nearly gone a review post seems apropos.  The month started with a trip to southern MN to see my family.  Our specific reason for going was to celebrate Grandma J’s 92nd birthday.  She had been in the hospital with pneumonia but recovered nicely & was at home to see us.  We bought her supper & visited for a few hours.

We also got to spend time with my siblings etc.  We had a random bowling party which was a total blast!  I wish I lived closer so we could do things like that more often.

Abe had a job interview that looked promising.  Unfortunately it didn’t pan out & he is still looking for something.  He does have a small job making some custom shelves for a kitchen & hopefully he’ll be able to make some custom signs for my office next month.  We are hoping they’ll make up their minds soon so he can get to work on the signs.  If you have any leads on something let us know.  Of course if you are in the market for something from Black Ash let us know that too.

Other than those couple things not much for news in our lives.  We’ve just been working at surviving & trying to maintain a positive attitude.  The weather has been teasing us with hints of spring from time to time & I am anxious to feel the warm air & smell the grass starting to grow.

We will be saying goodbye to my brother-in-law this weekend.  He’s headed to boot camp & AIT training for the next four months.  We will be anxious for him to do well & for his family (Anne & the boys) to be safe & happy until his return.  Of course we’ll do our best to fill the gaps where we can.

(I can hear the wind whipping outside my north window & I know it’s snowed non-stop today.  I am rather hoping that work will be called off in the morning so that I can spend the day with Abe & maybe his brother and family…of course if we can travel then it’ll be nice enough for the office to be open.)

My Grandpa was in the Boer War!

Today would have been Grandpa J’s 93rd birthday.  I miss him every day!  So in his honor I’m going to share some of my favorite memories of him.  First I should explain my title.  Francis Earl Jewett was born Feb 11, 1916 in Flandreau, SD.  The Boer War ended in 1902.  However, for some unknown reason, he always used to tell me that he fought in the Boer War.  Like any good grandchild I took him at his word….’til I got to college & learned what the Boer War really was.  (Iwas a little girl from a farm.  Part of me always thought it had something to do with hogs….)

I remember riding in Grandpa’s tractor.  It didn’t matter the season because he had a nice cab with a radio & air conditioning.  When we got tired we could lay down & take a little nap.  It was always exciting to ride with him.  I remember climbing into the cab, the smell of diesel & feeling excited.  The shift had a picture of a rabbit for the highest gear & a turtle for the lowest.

My caffeine habit is completely my Grandpa J’s fault.  I wanted to be like everybody else & have coffee when we came in from working on the farm.  Grandpa solved it by giving me a shot glass with a spoonful of coffee & two of water.  I’d take my chocolate chip cookie, break it in smaller pieces & dunk it my coffee just like Grandpa.  As I got older I got more coffee & less water until I graduated to black coffee.  It was a treat I only shared with him.

Staying at Grandma & Grandpa J’s house was a treat.  I was lucky to live within 30 miles of them until I went to college.  Summers were the best ‘cuz we got to have overnight stays.  Breakfast in the morning & then out to help with chores like the garden, the sheep & lambs & feeding the cattle.  Things that were horrible at home were somehow better.  Of course we probably hindered more than helped.  It wasnt’ until I was in grade school that I came to “realize” I wasn’t supposed to enjoy any of that

One thing that Grandpa spoiled me for was getting flowers.  If there was a flower blooming I got a small bouquet every time I left.  Pansies & lilacs were his particular favorite.  He’d pick a few & wrap a wet paper towel around the stem so they’d stay fresh until I got home & could put them in water in my room.

Something that always made me feel special was that Grandpa had a song he sang only to me.  I’d sit on his knee & he’d sing “My gal Rebecca, she chews tobacca & spits on the kitchen stove.”  Now why he sang that I don’t know. I did love it that he sang to me though.

My final thought for today is a story I only have heard from others.  Grandpa was not a tall man.  He was strong though. Years & years ago there was a filling station that used an eagle as it’s mascot.  They were changing the name or something when Grandpa happened to stop at one.  The guy working had moved a large eagle off to the side.  My grandpa asked if he could have it since they were going to get rid of it. “Sure, if you can lift it into the back of your truck you can have it”, the guy told Grandpa.  So Grandpa wrapped his arms around it, lifted it & slid it into the bed of the truck.  Grandpa finished up his business & went back to the truck to leave.  “Hey fella, you can’t take that with you!”, the guy yells.  “Well, you said if I could lift it into the truck I could have it & I don’t think you’re man enough to take it back”, Grandpa replied.  That eagle, Gertrude, now sits outside my parents’ front door.  We have many good memories & pictures of all the grandkids & many of the great-grandkids on Gertrude.  She is a solid reminder of Grandpa & how much we love him.

25 things….

I have been struggling with the 25 things meme that has been racing around the internet lately.  At first it was that I couldn’t think of 25, then that nothing I could think of was interesting.  However the more I’ve thought about it the more attractive the idea became.  Why?  Not necessarily so that you  my dear readers would know me better but so that I may know myself.  Here are my “25 things”

1. I became a born-again Christian at age 5 after reading a scary Halloween tract behind my dad’s recliner.

2. Reading is my favorite thing in all the world.

3. Photography is something I enjoy.

4. I am the oldest of 8.  My youngest sibling is 13.

5. My husband & I met in a Yahoo! chat room.

6. I can’t really ride a bike.

7. I am terrified of water & high bridges.  My worst fear is being involved in a 35W bridge type collapse.

8. My husband is the most wonderful man…he is so patient & understanding.  I do not always deserve him. My husband is a constant source of strength…he amazes me daily.

9. My mom is my best girl friend.  We talk nearly every day….sometimes more than once.

10. I have a weird obsession with even numbers.

11. I’ve never had any filings.

12. I seem to be outgoing….I’m covering up for the fact I’m afraid people won’t/don’t like me.

13. I am a terrible housekeeper.

14. Someday I’d like to own a horse, a sailboat & a motorcycle.

15. I cry at everything.  Happy, sad, angry = tears

16. Spelling errors & bad grammar truly bother me.  I don’t expect perfection but at least try.

17. I’ve always wanted to be a mom….I pray someday I will be.

18. I have trouble controlling my temper.

19. Laughing is one of my favorite things.

20. My 1st memory is of my mom crying because she dislocated her thumb.  I was 6 months old.

21. I grew up on a farm.

22. I love music..any kind.

23. Dancing is fun.  I used to think I was good…then I  saw my siblings dance….I’m not that good.

24.  I have some strange OCD things that I work very hard to hide most of the time.  Please don’t make me eat M&Ms in front of people.  It’s embarrassing for me & makes others want to lock me up.  If if must eat them please  only give them to me in even numbers.

25. My dream has always been to be a writer.  I love to tell stories I’m just not sure how to start a book.

I’m a finalist

Wow…I had entered a contest a few weeks ago to have a blog bailout.  The excellent folks at DesignPepper.com are having a contest where anybody could explain why they wanted a blog makeover.  I entered.  Tonight I found out that I’m one of the 10 finalists.  Now it’s in your hands.  I need votes.  Go to http://designpepper.com/2009/02/02/10-blog-bailout-finalists-vote-for-your-favorite/#more-491 and click on my name Becci-Something Creative to vote for me.  Feel free to leave a comment here letting me know you voted so I can give you a shout out after voting is done.

Thank you in advance!  I’m super excited about this!

my strongs

It’s official…I’ve decided & put money into getting more fit. One reason is I want to lose weight (I’m a woman we always want to lose weight). I know all the medical reasons blah, blah, blah.  None of that has made any difference to me up to this point & it really is just a small part of it now.

Mostly I want to be able to do things that I struggle with now.  I love to go hiking in the summer (the North Shore is amazing & I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see enough or take enough pictures) and would really like have more stamina for that.  I’m also hoping to participate in my 2nd 5k walk/run this July.  I walked last year without any training & made it!  I also wanted to die for 3 days afterward.  I don’t intend to run this year but would like to improve my time & maybe even raise money this year as it is a fundraiser for ALS (that was started in honor of a local man who is suffering from it.)  I’d also like to think that a year from now I’ll totally have the stamina to try snowshoeing with my husband.  He likes to do it & it would be so awesome to take our dogs out some sunny winter day & hit the trails at one of our many fantastic state parks.  Plus I’d be able to take more pictures & spend time with Abe which is always a 1st choice for me.

I also want to be able to keep up with all the nieces & nephews I have.  They are a crazy active bunch & getting bigger each day.  I don’t want to miss a moment of the fun they have.

Right now my resolve is strong.  I really do want to have the strength to do more stuff.  The weight loss is an added bonus & hopefully I will be able to stick with this for the long haul…(I’m making Abe join me in this endeavor if for no other reason than to make him ache when I do.)  I’m sure I’ll struggle with this but my prayer is that it won’t be too much….

Not much to say

I don’t have much to say today that isn’t whiny, snotty or unproductive so I’m keeping those comments to myself. Let’s just say that some warmer weather would be most welcome here (and in a great many other places too).

I do want to thank all of the new visitors I had here over the weekend. It was great to see that more than my mom & one of my sisters had visited. Hopefully you will keep coming back & I will work hard to write good entries. Please leave a comment & let me know what you think.

(I’m truly afraid to look at the temp here. We’ve been in the -20 to -30 range but I fear tonight will be record setting.)

Discouraged…

Well it’s been a year since Hubby got laid off.  We made it fine the first few months.  I had my job, we got some unemployment.  Then we started raiding the IRA when we needed emergency money.  We managed fine most of the summer between my paycheck, the unemployment & the IRA money.

Of course we live in one of the poorest counties in Minnesota so jobs are scare.  Moving isn’t really an option since the cost to find a new house would be so high & we don’t have the cash.  Fuel costs were so high all summer that driving to the nearest Wal–Mart for a minimum wage job wasn’t feasible.  Now of course fuel is cheaper but nobody’s really hiring.

It’s a sick twisted mess right now.  Huge companies who are paying executives millions & millions of dollars are getting help from the government.  Meanwhile I have to worry about whether I’ll make my next rent check.

Of course Hubby hasn’t just sat in the house doing nothing.  He worked for his dad & then ended up taking over the business of Black Ash & More.  We’ve tried to make a go of it at the worst possible time.  The sad thing is Hubby is excellent at what he does.  He has a talent for working with wood.  Now we just need people to purchase it.  We have a website (although I know that could be better), we have a little showroom area at a local business.

I’m really discouraged by the start of 2009….I’m looking for hope but right now I feel very lost & in the dark.

Embarrassing Word Choice #2

I spent Christmas with my family. All of us were there & it was a blast! There is never a dull moment when the whole clan is together. After all the excitement of Christmas died down Hubby & I spent a couple extra days with my parents. I have a great relationship with my mom & consider her my best friend next to my husband.

Now I’ve become something of a Twitter junkie in the last few months. I love to follow people from all over & listen in on what’s going on with them. I have some followers myself & enjoy that but I’m a people watcher by nature so following is more fun for me. I was explaining Twitter to my mom when the following event occurred.

Me: So the I send Tweets to update what I’m doing.
Mom: Okay, so you just keeping updating that all the time?
Me: Yes, I tweet all sorts of randomness. I have twe…twit…tw@*ed…. Umm not the word I meant to use… *embarrassed laughter*
Mom: I’m just going to ignore that & pretend you didn’t just use that word.
Me: Okay I’m gonna pretend that too.

Of course if I hadn’ been trying to be all grammatically correct in my conjugation of the verb “to tweet” maybe I would have avoided that little faux pas…then again probably not.

This & That

Per usual it’s been way too long since I’ve updated this.  Life has been both busy & mundane.  I’ve been doing the daily job thing and Hubby has been continuing to work on Black Ash & being an excellent house-husband.  We were lucky enough for him to qualify for more unemployment benefits so we have that through the end of the year.  After that we will see what happens with the nickel mine exploration in Tamarack.  It sounds like they will be hiring after January 1st.

We have been spending as much time as possible with Hubby’s brother, sister-in-law & their boys.  It’s always fun to see them & even if we are just sharing a meal it is time well spent.  Of course we wish that we could spend time with all our nieces & nephews.  The times we get to spend with my family are fewer but we enjoy every minute of it and take many pictures.

Thanksgiving was a quiet day for us.  We spent the day at home w/the dogs which is a rarity for us.  It was nice to just relax, play some video games & be thankful for the companionship that we share so easily.  I am thankful every day for being married to such a great man.

We did our share of running for the rest of that weekend.  We spent Hubby’s birthday in Duluth with his sister.  It was good to see her (we don’t visit with her nearly as much as we used to or would like to….new goal for the new year?) We also took a quick trip to Minneapolis on Sunday for the family dinner.  Lots of good food & conversation.

This is a quiet week leading into a busy weekend.  Friday night is the Christmas party for my work {oh boy I can hardly wait…. 😦 It’s the most boring party on the planet.  I’ve been to more fun funerals!}  Then Saturday we head to Cloquet for a day of family, fun, Christmas festivites & hopefully no injures.  I’ll fill in all the details next week.