Suicide

The following is from a note I posted on my facebook page. It sums up why I’ve been absent from the blog for a while. It’s also what’s consuming my thoughts lately so I’m bringing it over here. I promise to find something else to talk about soon.

I don’t even know how to describe this past week. On Monday (June 9th) we received the news that a friend (more like extended family member) of ours had shot himself. As we tried to come to grips with the this tragic loss another phone call arrived today (June 13th). Another friend (extended family member) has also committed suicide.
The double shock of these tragedies is unspeakable. One friend (Chris) was a veteran of 2 tours in the Iraqi war. He was only 24. A great guy who didn’t think he had any reason to stay around. The voices & struggles became too much to bear. He left behind family & friends who will never forget him.

Chris playing pool at an Erickson family Christmas.

The other friend (Justin) left behind a wife & 3 young children not to mention other family & friends. A husband, father, brother & friend who couldn’t deal with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. He was only 30. Someone who had so much to stay around for & yet he couldn’t bring himself to stay. He will never be forgotten either.
All of this makes me heartsick. How utterly senseless that this happened. Two young men who were without hope. If only they had felt that someone, anyone was there to listen.

Justin toasting my brother Robert & his wife Jillian.

God is there….but we need to be his voice sometimes. We need to show those around us (friends, family, acquaintances & perfect strangers) who may be feeling desperate & without hope. Our words & deeds may be what stands between someone’s attempt to end their life & a decision to reach out for help.
Please pray for the families of these two men. The coming days, etc are going to be very difficult.

Humiliation on a Scale

So my (and every other woman’s) worst fear came true yesterday. I decided out of some bizarre fit of self-destructiveness to step on the scale as I was getting ready for work.

Now anybody that knows me very well at all knows I don’t believe in the scale. I think that being defined by the number that the scale shows is shallow not to mention it can make you crazy trying to change that number.

I’m trying to lose weight (again….still) so I’ve started to exercise more & eat better. I’m setting a goal for getting into better physical shape rather than what the scale “should” say. I’m not expecting miracles but figured I’d see some improvement. Needless to say I expected to see a smaller number than I have in the past.

However, it’s official–I’m too damn fat. Yesterday the scale told me I weigh ERROR. A rational, less crazy person would have walked away assuming the scale was broken. Not me! I spent an extra 15 minutes letting the damn thing continue to humiliate me by trying to get it to say anything else. (I was very grateful & still am that the scale does not talk. I can only imagine how crazed I would have been after hearing some disembodied voice yell “GET OFF ME”!)

I’m not sure that I’ll be going to buy a new scale anytime soon though. I think I’ll avoid that trap of humiliation & just work harder at being healthier.